LA,

I have tried. I have tried over and over to go to your coffee shops. I always have enough stuff to do, I love coffee. But I cannot stand the way all of your coffee shops are completely unaware of how bad a latte tastes when the milk is scorched and the cup is half full of syrup.  I can't go. I've given up. From now on. ONLY Starbucks for me. For some reason every Starbucks barista across the globe has managed to make a basic latte without causing me to immediately throw it away.  Obviously, its not hard for them. Obviously, this is why Starbucks are on every corner. Obviously, the little man deserves to go down, because he can't give me no satisfaction.

Pandora,

Please, save me from Christmas music. I'm not a music person, but I am even more not a Christmas music person. I'd rather stuff hot coals in my ears than listen to another rendition of drummer boy.  Hence, for the next month, every time I venture into public, I will be wearing headphones, and listening to Anything at all that can be turned up loud enough to drown out this horrible holiday necessity. I am declaring war on Christmas music. Santa Baby is not a good enough song to be played for an entire month and a half every single year.

1/12+ of everyone's entire life will be spent listening to the same songs played over and over and over again. At least when regular song artists come out with crap, we are only subjected to listen to it until other artists come out with different crap. Imagine if you had to listen to the same Justin Timberlake album every September for the rest of your life. Just imagine how your brain would react. Why is it any different for Christmas? Why is that switch that makes people irritated at incessantly repetitive things just Collectively Switched OFF.

Seriously, The repetitiveness is enough to scrooge me into NOT GOING CHRISTMAS SHOPPING.  There.  The threat has been stated. Don't test me.

Whoever,

So my 9$ hairdryer stopped working this morning after dying a slow death from being strangled by the hair that its been eating from my head for the last 3 weeks. I ventured to Target again. This time I bought a 35$ dryer.  So far this one hasn't expressed any desire to munch on hair; It's three times as powerful and has a diffuser AND an ionizer. Booya.  The placebo effect alone has made my hair shinier.

A squirrel tried to drop a lemon on my head as I headed to work yesterday.  The thing had been sitting on the roof of my apartment holding the lemon. I walked out the door and shut it. I take a step toward my car and hear, 'thwump' behind me. I whizzed around and saw that I had been missed by inches. I look up and this squirrel is sitting on the roof looking surprised.  We held eye contact for some long seconds, glaring an unspoken hatred at each other. I slowly reached for my camera, and he ran away.

Also, I have 80's hair. Because my "hairdresser" chopped off my bangs. I asked for side-bangs. She gave me regular bangs and asked me to push them to the side. BIG difference. See below. They feel uncomfortable. Like wearing an outfit that fits, but is completely not your style.

Goal is to get the car to stop smoking on Monday. Today two people asked me to roll down my window as I was parked at a stop light to inform me that my car was basically smogging LA all by itself.

On my way back from the gym today , I cut through an outdoor hookah bar (as I always do) as a shortcut from the gym to my parking garage. Halfway through I was stopped by a girl who asked me if I worked at the fire department. I was perplexed and asked why. She pointed to my shirt and says, "The initials look like a Fire Department initials." I look down at my t-shirt and read the 4 large block letters.

L A F R.

R.

Not D.

Strike One for Random Tipsy Person (DTP).

I was like, "oooohhh, no, I ran a 10k a while back. This stands for LA Front Runners."

DTP was outgoing and friendly, and we chatted for a while. She was trying to avoid this guy she had a crush on, who had taken her on a date and then brought friends.  And since I am the type of person completely characterized by helping those in need, I stayed and chatted.

I learned within the first thirty seconds -  two things: She likes Pot. She likes God.

I assumed that the linkage of the two meant that God was this great unknown being that is in nature and God is just my way of saying, LOVE LOVE LOVE Everyone.

But no, randomly, she was actually a born-again believer that said things like. "We don't have to worry about sin, because God died on the cross to give us a Jesus Cloak."

I guess I like to try to argue with religious people because One: I really like trying to convince people to see things my way and two, ... dwarfed by number one.  So I guess by my reasons here, I don't choose to argue with religious people because they are religious, I like to argue with them because they like to argue.

Sooooo, back to this short subset of my long and bizarre conversation.

So immediately, I jump on the low hanging fruit. "How can you smoke pot and please God. The Bible says, you are the temple of the Holy Spirit"

DTP:  "Well, I can't make changes in my life unless God is ready to make those changes for me. I was a slut before, and God worked on that, he hasn't chosen to work on the Pot yet. God is in control of everything"

Me: "Oh, so you believe that our world is deterministic, we are not in control of our actions so it doesn't matter what we do?"

DTP: "Well, God knew everything before we were born. He knew us in our mother's whom. He knew every sin we'd ever commit"

Me "So that relieves you from the responsibility of sin? So you feel no guilt."

DTP: "Well, sometimes I feel guilt."

Me: "Well, if you can't help sinning, you shouldn't feel guilt."

DTP: "Sometimes I don't feel guilt...And I do have somewhat of a choice, I can't choose whether or not to sin, but I can choose  which sin to do next."

Me: "Sounds like a blast, but you still shouldn't feel guilt if that's true. But that's not even the main issue here. The Bible actually says that you God won't allow you to be tempted above what you are able and will with that temptation also make a way to escape that ye may be able to bear it. So God is saying that you DOOOOO have a choice"

DTP: (After 5 minutes of me repeating that verse)." Jesus said that "no man is without sin" and besides Satan can also tempt people."

Me: Repeated the verse again and said. "Just because no man is currently without sin dosnt mean that God (according to the Bible) didn't give us all an opportunity to be without sin. And God said "ALLOW" so that includes Satan temptation."

DTP: "Well, you can have your opinion, I just disagree."

Me: "It's not my opinion!! I'm using YOUR Bible. You say you have no choice but to sin, the Bible says you CAN choose not to sin. And you believe the Bible. You have a contradiction. Something cannot both BE and NOT BE at the same time. That's a contradiction. That can't exist"

DTP: "Yes, it is a contradiction"

Me: "What are you going to do about it"

DTP: "Well, I guess I don't care about contradictions."

<beat>

Strike Two. 

We talked for about a half hour more.With me mainly trying to get her to define why she believed that God was real and why her version of God was right.

As our conversation was drawing to a close, she ended with.

DTP: "My belief in God is like my belief in math."

Me: "Wow"

DTP: "Yeah, so in math, people are like 'This equals this which equals this and that equals the answer', and I'm like, 'I don't understand what's going on. ' But I know that the answer is correct, I just have no idea how to get to that answer. And I just don't understand math. So you see. Just like God. I can know that the answer is right, I just won't ever understand why."

Me: "Bahahahahahahahahahahah" ...."BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Strike  Negative 3.

How stupid are you when you don't even realize that you are calling yourself stupid.

'Things that CAN be proven by smart people, but I don't understand'  DOES NOT EQUAL 'things that CANNOT be proven by anyone'.

It was like the jury was up to that point still out on exactly how low her intelligence was and then she stepped up to the defendant's podium and said, "you know what, I'm going to prove myself innocent, right here, right now...I buried the gun in my yard."  She did the jury's work for them. Shoulda just let that jury go to work at their REAL jobs like they wanted to anyway.

Pin this up in my growing collection of sparkly gems from religious people about "Why I Believe In God."

"God is real, cause math is hard (DTP 11/11/2008) " is going right up there with "God exists, cause I feel him when I play my guitar. (Dan 02/29/2008)"

Yesterday, I  went to the Getty Villa in Malaboo. It's a museum of ancient art (Greek, Roman, Etruscan)originally built to house the personal collection of a billionaire philanthropist. That's what they tell you anyway. It's really just a bunch of noseless busts in a room looking at other noseless busts. I was sick of all the noseless busts, until I found a bust that had a nose, but no eyes. Way creepier.

The Villa was built to look like a pre-Kilimanjaro roman villa. Our tour guide told us that when the re-creation was built, architects said it looked cartoony. Can't say I disagree. Some of the walls had pillars Painted on... painted. The art inside was legit. But the villa itself was a joke. It was large and grandiose, but so very cheap looking. How did they manage that. It's hard to look cheap when you have billions. The gardens were very pretty, but probably most of the over 100,000 millionaires also living in Malibu have gardens that are much nicer and more tourworthy. The villa itself was pathetic re-creation of the past. And to top it all off, the balconies over looking the Pacific were closed due to broken doors. Good thing this place was free. The art was interesting and the place was free (if you don't count the $10 parking (which I do)), so I guess it was worth seeing since I live here. I wouldn't go here if I was visiting LA though.

I am in one of my two favorite places to chill when I have nothing else to do.  Studio City. I love it here. It relaxes me. Almost as much as Burbank town center.  Which relaxes me almost as much as buying new clothes from Lululemon.  Which I of course did today; I'm building up quite the wardrobe of functional ass pants.  I'm going to have to work out the rest of my life to justify all the money I spend at Lulu. I don't get it. I spent half an hour pacing an aisle at Target, arguing with myself about wether or not I needed to spend 15 or 25 dollars on a hairdryer.  I'm like "If I don't know what an ionizer is, does that make it not valuable, just because I'm ignorant?"   I went with the 15 dollar one (without the ionizer), so I guess I'll have to wait till I run my new one under the faucet again before I'll be have to confront this dilemma one more time.  So 10 minutes after I almost made myself sick with stress over how cheap I wanted to buy the hairdryer I would spend the next two years with, I walk over to Lulu and spend $170 on the first outfit I try on.  And even as I write this, I totally don't regret it.  The jacket is beautiful. I love who I am when I wear it.

I just came from the Arclight  Cinema in Sherman Oaks, CA. I was there watching a movie, when ALL OF THE SUDDEN, the fire alarms go off, and we are instructed to evacuate the building. Mobs of air-sniffing movie goers packed themselves out of the building and into the line-waiting car hell that became the parking garage.  Never saw the fire, never smelt the fire, but we decided not to wait to see if they'd let us back in. We decided we'd just call tomorrow and forcefully beg for reparations in the way of refunds and free tickets. So that's why I'm in Studio City watching the Asian lady scrub off my calluses , and planning where to buy the latte I'll be drinking in 20 minues

I've never met anyone born on the same day as me. That all changed yesterday when I was leaving a crowded parking lot of a bagel shop . I was walking to my car and saw another car pull in. I caught the eye of the man in the car and pointed at mine and mouthed "I'm leaving, you can have my spot." The man nodded and backed up to allow me to pull out. I get in the car and my friend says to me. "Um, that was Harrison Ford".  And it totally was,  earring and all.  I would never have noticed on my own. I could have had this close to life-changing experience and never have realized it. Makes me shiver in horrered retrospect with knowledge of what could have not been. So all you people that get offended if I didn't notice your haircut, just remember, I looked Harrison Ford in the eye and didn't realize it. This is Proof that my lack of awareness of other people is not personal.

So I performed a random act of kindness to Mr. Solo. And because I work and play in nerd-ville, this should entitle me to get out of jail free cards for having to perform any other acts of kindness for at least another month or two.  Good thing the red cross got my liquid gold O- blood on Friday, cause they'd a been S O L if they'd decided to show up at work this upcoming week. I'd a been, "Um, my charity balance is so way in the black. Next time, fool."

I've been to Brentwood, CA 2 times and seen a major celebrity both times (Helen Hunt last time).  2/2. When people come to visit me, I'm just going to take them to a Brentwood Starbucks and wait for the inevitable show to begin.

So here it is. The 2nd day in a row I show up to work an hour early.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. And since Father Time is surprisingly elusive, I'm just going to have to get the shame on for the both of us. 

Apparently, everyone in the world has a working phone that sets ITSELF back an hour. My phone/alarm clock is one of the few exceptions. And also, apparently my BRAIN doesnt mind being perennially stuck a tick or two behind.

My reset button this morning will hopefully get my tickers back into place as I sit here, cursing unconsumed sleep, drinking the year's first frothed eggnog latte.

Disney has a lunchtime Halloween party. We came to work dressed as Sharpay and Gabriella from HSM. It was surprising how many people AT DISNEY were like "Happy graduation, graduates," thinking we dressed as plain ol' graduates for Halloween. AHHHH. All the trouble we went through to make sure our dresses matched the poster. You work at Disney, People -- Know your own product. Most people got it, though. During lunch we stood in line for an hour to be able to participate in the Disney 'parade' which is really a costume Show-And-Tell. You walk onto stage in front of hundreds of Disney people (We yelled "Go, Wildcats" and threw our hats) and the costumes are judged by the top 5 Disney Execs. Bob Iger told us he liked our costumes and we got a picture with Dick Cook. oooooooooo.