I've always felt one of my greatest weaknesses in the work environment is - arguing and disagreeing effectively while still maintaining good relationships with coworkers.

Lately, I've learned a trick I've been using at work that has made SUCH a difference in my ability to get people to do what I want. 

Say a coworker says, "I'm saying something really stupid about a choice I am making on this project "

Previously, I would have said in a panicked voice: "No, no you are wrong because of these three reasons right hmyeahr."

NOW, I say instead: "Mmmmmm...If we choose to go in that direction, the implications of that choice are: Reason 1, Reason 2, Reason 3."

So before I was telling whomever that they were wrong. I was saying the conclusion I wanted the person to draw (their wrongness) right at the beginning of my sentence - immediately putting the opposing person on the defensive. It also puts the attack of the idea on the person instead of on the idea. The words 'You are wrong' are emotionally heavy. Nobody wants to be wrong, and people will fight not to appear wrong.

NOW in my NEW approach, I'm NOT stating the conclusion I want them to draw(their wrongness)outright. I'm not even telling them at all my personal opinion about the quality of their choice or whether or not the choice is a valid option. . NO NEGATIVE PRESSURE on them at all to change their mind. I am simply saying the implications of the choice (completely objectively), and MOST of the time, the person will draw the conclusion(they were wrong) all my their lonesome. It also puts the attack on the idea itself instead of on the person generating the idea. The person is able to abandon their idea without ever feeling like they were stupid; they are abandoning the idea because they, themselves, have come to the conclusion that the negative implications of that direction are too significant.

I have used this battle tactic on like most of the people at work with GREAT results. I get people to agree with me in less time than EVER BEFORE. And everybody walks away happy with all egos intact :) 

VARIATION ON THE THEME:

Person: "Ginger, Do This"

Me 1st option: "I can't do that because you've given me all this other stuff to do, and I don't have time. (Telling them they have made a bad choice)"

Me 2nd NEW option: "Sure no problem; I'll get started right away. I have these two other things that I am working on. Which one of those things should I stop working on to make room for this new thing (No Judgement, Only presenting the implication)?"