I signed up for eHarmony a couple of months ago out of curiosity and general lameness. eHarmony asks you questions and then proposes potential matches for you. You can decide if you would like to pursue the match. If you do want to, you of course have that option. (But seriously, boys are all drama, so I don't recommend it). There are eleven steps in the guided communication process. I've never got past step two. So I normally 'close' the match which is what a women is supposed to do when the dude's profile has 5 semi-colons in his answer for 'The most influential person in my life has been.' or when a person uses the words 'personal growth,' 'video games,' and the phrase 'I have no desire for money or power.' Really??, cause most of us female-types really like the Alphas last I checked.  That's like a girl saying, "I don't desire to be young, can't wait to grow old.  And my boobs and teeth are really just optional accessories when considering my overall beauty. Just as good and /or better without."

When you close a match, you do so by sending an eHarmony message to the match from a static list of eHarmony messages as to why the match is being closed. 90% of the time the chosen answer is 'Other,' cause really, you just don't want to see their stinkin profile no more, and none of the other responses make any sense like 'I am pursuing another relationship', or 'I'm taking a break from dating', or 'I have too much happening in my life at the moment'. Which of course are completely irrelevant responses on a dating site.

99% of the time a match is closed without any communication happening whatsoever between the match.  Closes are done strictly on the basis of pictures and a match's answers to eHarmony's 7 or 8 questions. 6 of which are actually the same question just worded slightly different. See the picture below to see just how uninteresting and unrevealing the eHarmony questions are. I'd get more information about a guy from cooking myself some scrambled eggs.

I've closed lots of matches, but also get closed on a lot myself.  Now, the only times I was getting closed on without the 'Other' reason,  I was getting the eHarmony developed response:   ''The physical distance between us is to great.' Everytime I got that response from a guy, I'd get in a huff, run through the rejector's pictures and declare, "Well, you ain't such a hottie yourself!!!" and grumble about pot-bellies, bad jobs, and how certain people LIKE BOYS APARENTLY.  Thinking the guy is saying he is far too attractive for the likes of me. This went on from two months ago till today, when I was deciding how to use a combo box to tell an interested potential match that Utah was too far away and he was most likely abandoned and molested as a child if he thinks that STARTING OUT with a long-distance dating is acceptable.

The answer I chose to send to Mr. Beehive State ( the first time I haven't used 'Other' ) was the choice: 'The physical distance between us is to great.' And as I sent it...I paused... my eyes widened, and I wondered to myself how I manage to safely shave my legs and delete spam.

I know. right?