I just got finished with my evening yoga class. 90 minutes of an Orange County grandma gently instructing me to breath out everything that is getting me down.  I love this class. This lady as one of the most calming voices I have ever come across.  So soft and completely devoid of stress and insecurities.  It's amazing how much I notice how much her voice lacks anxiety. Makes me realize that that's all I hear all day is voices filled with anxiety.  I want her voice. After I quit my job to become a zoologist and study elephants and why elephants prefer lulu hats over lulu ass pants (cause they already have cute butts, duh, says my friend), I'm going to become a yoga instructor with a boob job. Do sixty year-olds  with perky boobs have anxiety? Doubtful.

Lately sometimes, after work and the workout, I will go down to the hotel bar and have a drink with the nice travelers.  I figure the worst that could happen is I meet someone who can afford to stay at the same nice hotel that my company is paying for me to stay at. And so far I have been right,  every time I go, I meet an educated, well-to-do individual.  I met a man with a doctorate in 20th century American Literature who works for a law firm teaching lawyers how to write well. I met a partner at an architecture firm who also had been to Bryce Canyon (Just Like Me!!) within the last year.  One night I even sat next to Uriah Duffy from Whitesnake.  All I'm saying, is that this heya is the scene I have grown accustomed to.

This week, however..., I'm staying at a different hotel, one which I wasn't sure had a bar, and I wanted a bite to eat anyway after yoga, so I drive to an Italian restaurant only to be told that last call had already occurred and that the kitchen had shut down an hour ago.  This event brought me to the conclusion that maybe it was later than I thought.

No problem. There is always Taco Bell.

I am resigned the the fact that I can't get a drink as I order my quesadilla,  and I am actually excited a little that I can read some more of my book. I end up sitting on a plastic bar esk stool in front of a thin, tall table up against the window. I pull out my book as I glance over at a small crowd of high schoolers that are looking my way and smiling broadly while looking embarrassed at the same time.  I shrug to myself and start reading.

A page into the book, one of the group walks over and asks, "Do you mind if I sit here." Gesturing at the stool next to mine. I shrug and smile and continue reading.

"Do you mind if I talk to you?"

I smile and put the book down.

He introduces himself as Mitchell and then says,

"I just wanted to let you know that I really like your feet. I think they are gorgeous."

"Hahahaha, thanks. I'll let my pedicurist know."

"Oh, you get pedicures, that's great. How often?"

"Once every two weeks. And I'm one week into this one, so I guess I'm doing pretty good. Just don't look at the other foot. The big toenail is split down the middle cause of a rock climbing accident."

"Ok. No problem. Do you where sandals all the time?"

"Yeah."

"Wow, that's really fantastic that you have feet like that."

"So you're really a foot guy, huh. I've never met one of those before?"

"Yeah, I like feet. But I'm not into any of that kinky stuff."

"Yes, you are. Of course you are."

"No, I swear."

"You can't help it. OF COURSE YOU ARE."

"Well, maybe a little."

"I just got back from yoga. There are a lot of bare feet there. You should do yoga if you like the cute lady feet"

"Aw, nah man. Yoga man. Nah"

"Just don't move to Canada or nothing. Cause all the women in cold weather wear sneakers. You must never leave Orange County. Do you hear me? You would be miserable."

"I never thought of it that way."

"Yeah"

"How old are you?" He asks glancing at me through his dark sunglasses. Mitchell is about 200 lbs and about 5'8" and has a large set of unrestrained man boobs.  Man boobs that separate in the middle and hang to either side of his large belly.  He has nice eyes and is clearly confident with the ladies.

"I'm 25."

"No way!!. HAHA."     He laughs and glances back at his friends who wave and smile back.

"How old are you."    I ask. Knowing that he's got to be a junior in high school.

"Old enough."

"Seriously, how old are you?" I ask again.

"Seriously, old enough to do whatever you want me to do."

"I'm going to guess ... high school."

"High school? Aw man, I'm nineteen. High school, really? That's bad."

"Sorry, you just look younger. All your friends look young too."

"So, what you reading?"

I slide the book his way. The book is The Blind Watchmaker by Richard Dawkins a prominent evolutionary biologist and atheist who is responsible for the popularity of gene-centric evolution and meme theory (the evolution of reproductive cultural entities such as religion)).

"It's a book about evolution."

"Oh yeah?"  He asks looking at the back.

"Yeah, you know, like Darwin."

"Oh yeah?" He says in a confused tone.

"Yeah, about how organisms evolve. How the are built a step at a time. How just because things look designed doesn't mean they are."

"So it's a book about how to put stuff together?"

"No, it's about evolution. Evolution. You know like science"

"Ohhhh, science. Yeah, I did science in school."

"Oh..., that's good,"    I offer

The book quickly placed aside, he steers the topic around to topics he can grasp More Better. Like what I do for a living.

"Technology consulting." Is the answer.

"What's that?"

"I go around to large companies and help them build systems. Like right now we are helping our client build a global website."

"A what?"

"A website."

"Oh, a website, yeah I know what that is. You just confused me.... Global."

After apologizing profusely for talking with such confusing terminology, I explained what global meant before asking him what he did when he wasn't at Taco Bell.

"So you go to school, or you work...?"

"Yeah, I used to work. At the Knotts. Three months ago."

"The Knotts?"  Is it confused in here or it just me?

"The Knott's Berry Farm. The amusement park."

"Oooohhh, so what happened there?"

"I got fired for Blazin with two hotties."

"For Blazin with two hotties? ... Oh my!...Did they get fired too?"

"Nah, they were just visiting?"

Eventually, I talked about how I was just in town for the week and that normally, I live elsewhere. He gets all excited and says. "So we're gonna party tonight, right? Me and my friends, in your hotel? We'll bring the booze."

"And the weed..."  I remind him.

"Yeah, Yeah, of course the weed." He says with a big smile.

"You must be high right now."

He pauses. And looks me over... And Whispers...

"Nah, I'm not high. I'm rolling." 

"YOU'RE ROLLING!!!!! OMG. RIGHT NOW??? You are ROLLING..... RIGHT NOW???"

"Yeah!!!!!"   He says, taking off his sunglasses. His pupils are indeed dilated to quite some extent.  He looks back at his friends and waves excitedly.

"So are you a raver?" He asks me.

"I've only been to one. EDC. This past June."  EDC had 120,000 concert goers and was, as they all say, "EPIC."

"I was there too! I was one of the ones who got arrested rushing the gates with that crowd of people."

Now this brought back an actual scary memory for me. I was entering the concert gate when large amounts of people start thundering past me. I'm looking around for my friends who are getting pulled along with the crowd. I try to maintain my ground but everyone around me is running.  I cover my head and go with the herding crowd hoping not to trip and get trampled. It was scary. Very unnerving. The mini-stampede was caused by a large group of people rushing to jump the secure lines to get into the stadium without passes.  Security was hot on their tails and was grabbing people and throwing them to the ground.  The stampede eventually died down but not before I had lost sight of my group. I quickly found them, but the adrenaline was very much NOT appreciated.  

"That's crazy. I was totally there when that happened. That was really scary for me.  Did they really arrest you?"

"Kind of. They put us in a room. But I had already taken two pills, so I didn't care. I just talked to the ladies. Then they let us go. So when are we going up to your room to party?"

"Dude, I have work tomorrow in my real life. I'm not going to party it up with a bunch of 19 year olds tonight.

"Don't worry about it. Just have fun, and when you are ready to go to work tomorrow, just take a pill and you'll be fine."

'Haha, no thanks. It all makes sense now, though, you hitting on me like this, why you talk to me like you're my best friend."

"I'm always like this."

"No, You're on E. That's why you are being so friendly."

"Nah, I'd lick you're feet even if I wasn't rolling."