I’ve been in school 2 weeks now, and the yucky and familiar school dream started about a week ago with a renewed vengeance. That hardly took very long.  I used to have the same exact dream all throughout my undergrad.  So I’ve been here before.

The scene of the dream changes every time, but the topic of the dream never does.  The dream is exactly like this => I’m 3 weeks into the semester and realize I had signed up for a class that I had forgotten I’d signed up for. So I haven't been going to that class. It’s one week past the time I can drop the class. So I’ve been getting ZERO marks for 3 weeks, and am unable to drop the class and unable to in any way recover my grade enough to pass. The teacher won’t reason with me, and my friends are all doing phenomenal in that class.

It’s always that scenario. Not ever a  dream where I forget to study for a test or come to school naked. It’s always that I added a class, then forgot about it completely.  I spend the rest of the dream freaking out and running through myriads of scenarios to try to improve my situation.  And I never can. Now I have the overwhelming understanding that I now have to work non-stop to catch up my knowledge in that class that is now far behind that of my classmates only to be given the slightest chance of a passing grade.  And I probably won’t be able to do it. And then all my studying for other classes, and all the risks I’ve taken are worth NOTHING. Cause If I fail one class, my GPA is destroyed and my life in essence amounts to just one big waste of time.

It sucks, cause I wake up stressed out.

The same dream still happened infrequently during these past 3 years while I’ve been working at my Consulting job, but I was always able to tell my dreaming self, that clearly this was not happening, that I’m not in school, so It’s ok. But now, I’m just screwed, cause the distinction between my dream life and my real life is much more similar now since we’re both in school, and I can’t tell that the dream isn’t real until I wake up.

How can my own brain keep getting tricked by itself? I’ve been aware of this dream for YEARS now. And I can have this dream multiple times in a week. But every time I have the dream, it’s just as real and just as scary as the time before. And it makes me feel so powerless that I can’t stop it from happening. That I can’t stop myself from beating myself up. It’s like I have this hand just whacking at my head and no matter how hard I try to sit on that hand or hold it to my side, it just finds it’s way back to whacking my head.

I have had my very first ever college labs. These labs, like the lecture classes, are integrated with undergrads. So all us grad students are mixed in with the kiddies. Lectures aren’t so bad cause people just sit there, but in lab I have to interact with Freshmen. And they do little freshmen things like laugh at how Rubber Pipette Bulbs look like sticky mini-condoms. (Ok, FINE, maybe that was me, but my adorable 19-yr old lab partner agreed with me, and he laughed).

There are actually 3 other post-bacc pre-med majors in my Chem lab, but I didn’t see them until it was too late, and seating is permanent from where you sit on the first day. You sit in that stool, and your destiny for the semester is set in stone.

So Chemistry lab started out with our teacher, Adam, telling us the safety procedures.  According to what was said in lecture, a major accident occurs every 10 years, and a minor (more like medium) accident occurs every 3 years.  They say it happens that often, so you can’t be negligent of safely procedures or you could end up hurting yourself or your lab partner.  Adam had had a minor accident during his second semester of lab instruction when a student was dropping acid from a squeeze bottle. The nozzle of the squeeze bottle was clogged, so the student squeezed harder. and harder. And the bottle of acid exploded and covered his face in acid. He immediately was rushed to the eye-wash station, a contraption that shoots water into your face, and was held there for enough time for them to be sure he would be ok.  He ended up being fine, but while everyone was paying attention to the guy who exploded the bottle, no one had noticed that his lab partner’s shirt was eaten through and that the skin on his back was starting to blister and burn. The lab partner was rushed to the shower, and was rinsed off (while embarrassed) in front of the whole class, but ended up being fine, with only minor burns.  -- This was a no-fault incident that was actually handled pretty well in retrospect.  The kid was also wearing his protective eye gear, or else he could have lost his eyes.  eek.

USC labs are also under a LOT of scrutiny because of one of those major incidents 3 years ago at UCLA when a grad student died after being roasted alive by her own sweater. She was using extremely flammable chemicals and was NOT wearing a rubber lab coat.   Because of incidents like this, USC won’t even let you enter the lab unless you are wearing a rubber lab coat and protective goggles.

So the Chem lab we did was just us inventorying our drawers to make sure we had all the requisite lab equipment that we will be responsible for till the end of the semester.   We had to pull beakers, and test tubes, and wire mesh out of our drawers and count it all. If we were missing stuff, we were sent down to the supply room to get stuff for our drawers.

While pulling items out of my drawer, something slid out of a flimsy tube and crashed to the floor.  I spun around and noticed a thermometer was shattered. And I thought to myself, “Shit.” And then I thought to myself, “Good thing they don’t use mercury thermometers anymore.” I raised my hand and Adam came over, smiled, and sighed. He went and grabbed a large beaker and some gloves and started collecting some of the larger shards of glass. Then he said to me , “We need to start looking for those balls of Mercury.” O.o

And in my head I was all, “OOOOHHH NOOOOOOOO, I’ve become a cliche on my very first day, my very first 10 minutes of LAB!!!!!!”

And we started looking around and we see all these silver balls rolling around everywhere. He poured powder all over the balls while telling me that I was actually helping his case out cause he’d had the following conversation the other day.

Adam: “I think we should use all the alcohol thermometers, since the mercury thermometers aren’t safe”

Adam’s Boss: “Well, we have mercury thermometers too, so that’s what we’ll use.”

Adam: “What if they break.”

Adam’s Boss: “Nobody is going to break a thermometer.”

So Adam told me that I was making his case for him. He also started telling me stories about mercury, how scientists used to take large buckets and dip their hands in it and just handle that stuff like it was no big deal, and like it didn’t cause itchy skin and loss of  hair, teeth, nails, and coordination.

I in turn told him that modern archeologists are able to track Louis and Clark across the Louisiana Territory by the mercury deposits they left behind in their campsite latrines.  A long-term bread crumb trail for historians.  Louis and Clark had started their journey with 600 of Dr. Rush’s Bilious Pills, mercury laxatives, meant to be used if they felt badly after consuming bad water or food. They did use them, and we love them for it.

Adam sent me to the supply room to get a mercury thermometer to replace the one I had broken. The supply room attendant handed me a thermometer and said, “Be careful not to drop this, there’s mercury in there.” I pretended to act surprised and said, “Woah Ok, I’ll be careful.”

Adam was a great sport about everything. Even with a bad start, I feel like Chem lab is going to go pretty well this semester. Just a feeling.

My bio lab was pretty boring comparatively, we just measured water in a bunch of different ways. And there are no other post-baccs in that lab, which makes me vewy, vewy sad.

I like to switch up my environments when I study. I study in segmented periods of time so that I can easily compartmentalize both the environment and the knowledge together.  This way, when I’m asked to recall information I can recreate the environment under which the information was stored in my head, and for some reason this facilitates my recall.  For instance, If my chemistry teacher asks me about how to do a problem with the Law of Multiple Proportions, I’ll envision myself sitting at the table by the window in the Studio City Starbucks. I’ll remember the lady across from me with the skinny jeans with buttons around her ankle and that will of course trigger memories about  ratios with small whole numbers.

The important part is to never study in the same place too many times, otherwise the memories get confused.  I can’t study Chapter 1 AND 2 in the same location. That’s too much information for my brain packets.  My brain packets are medium-sized and they like to be filed away nicely without getting too crowded. This doesn't mean I have to go constantly to different study places, but it DOES mean I have to switch tables for every study trip.

While I’m off at my coffee and study trips I overhear some of the strangest conversations and have some of my own.  I’ve heard a man sobbing to his therapist as he hates himself if he has money, so that’s why he’s avoided getting promotions and finding employment. I’ve heard MBA students going through case studies. And I hear the regular loud arguing of entertainment industry people at Aroma Cafe on weekday nights, yelling about stuff that doesn’t matter. “Beauty and the Beast was WAAAAY better than Princess and the Frog. The voiceovers alone…” They interrupt their furious script writing/reviewing/memorizing to geekily banter back and forth with each other.

The other day I was in Aroma, enjoying the man yelling across the room at an older lady that he just needed that $600,000 for the indie film he was trying to get produced. Another complete stranger piped in that he hadn’t known you could even MAKE a movie for 600 grand these days.  Discussion ensues.  Then a younger lady joins the conversation and inquires of one of the older gentleman how he got into the industry. He responded that he moved to LA when he was 30 and started writing scripts for cartoons. And the younger lady says, “And what are you now, 35?” And she smiles. And she was Clearly doing that thing where she was fake exaggerated “flirting” with the older guy. And the next line in the normal screenplay of life is where he should go , “hahahaha, awe, thanks hun.” while gently rolling his eyes in humor. But NOOO. This 65 year old guy accepts the comment at face value and goes into a monologue about how he maintains his youthfulness.  “No carbs, Protein, Protein, Protein, As little sugar as you can stand, and two packs of beef jerky every day.” Which is clearly the recipe to how to lose your mind enough to think that you look 35 when you actually look exactly the age you told us you were.

And speaking of age. I was at the studio city Starbucks and ordered my hot decaf two-pump carmel latte with whip for Ginger. And the barista in surprise goes, “Oh!, I’ve never met a Ginger.”

And I say my rote, “Yea, everybody’s heard the name, but no one ever HAS that name.”

And she says, “Yeah, it’s from that cartoon.”

And I’ m like , “What cartoon?” And she goes “that one on Nickelodeon.”

And I say, “Oh, never heard of it, most people think of Gilligan’s Island.”

To which she giggly replies, “Oh, never heard of it, but I’m only 22, so I haven't seen many

older shows.”

And I said in kind of a taken aback tone, “Well, I  just barely turned 26. They used to play it on Nick at Nite”

And then she smiles and says, “I guessed we missed each other by 30 seconds in the generational gap.”

And my face went… O.o

And I’m thinking, “GENERATIONAL GAP!!!!! Bitch, we went to high school at the same time.”  It’s not like I had difficulty learning the iPhone, or that I ‘d want to put a personal ad in the local paper to get a date (WDF n/s 5’4” 120 ISO M 5/8”+ for LTR),  or that I’d wear my Sunday best to fly an airplane. GENERATIONAL GAP!!!!

I wanted to hurl my coffee in her face, but I had to wait for it to be made first.

So the job thing is still very much in limbo.  The department where I was proposed for a job is in the soak cycle until the new fiscal year. So no money until mid-September for my position. So that means I’ve been taken off of payroll with my company for the time being. This makes a lot of sense, they can’t keep paying me to sit here and not produce work for them.  The potential position(s) within my Company have not been taken off the table. And I have promises from staffers to keep me in the loop. People are still burning calories on my behalf trying to get me back in, so I’m just waiting to see what happens.

I’ve also been trying to explain to people that even if I can’t stay with the Company it is NOT A BAD THING. After all, I tried to quit entirely two weeks ago. If I don’t stay with my Company, that forces me to get out and pursue opportunities in my new industry. Or opportunities that blend my old industry with my new industry.  The financial stability of remaining with my current company would be nice. Conversely, getting out and gaining experience in Health Care would be nice. Both are great options for me. I am more than happy to pursue either.

So today, I spent most of the day doing things to sever ties with my Company as per Human Resources. Like transferring liability for my cell phone. This was soooo frustrating. Not because of my Company and not because of AT&T, but because my iPhone 4 dropped my call twice during the transfer.  The problem with the antenna IS ABSOLUTELY a problem for me. I can wrap my hand around the phone and the bars will go from 5 to 0 bars in seconds.  It’s my fault somewhat cause my iPhone 4 case (which I got free from Apple and which fixes the problem) is lounging in the cup holder of my car.  But going down to the car is not as of yet on my To-Do list, hence it didn’t get done today. Unlike 11 of the things that  were on the To-Do list.

Last night, I was like, “Mmm, maybe I should log online and see what times my classes are.” I’m finally switching from work mode to school mode. I had a hard time envisioning or contemplating my life as a student while working 40 hours a week in career progress mode, so sometime late Sunday night after completing my final work week, I was like “OK…here goes.”

My classes are in the morning, back to back, with labs on altering days.

My Bio class starts out with the professor going. “Good morning to everybody, Good Morning, Good Morning, Good Morning.” And then on to say something to the effect of “Congrats on being here. 36,000 people apply, 2,300 get in.” And that DID make me feel good. He said “For many of you, this is your first college class.”  I smiled. For me it’s easily my 45th.  I got this college thing down pat. Nothing surprised me about class except the shocking lack of laptop computers. I sat down in class and excitedly pulled out my laptop, then glanced around and noticed “One of these things is not like the other”, and sheepishly put it away. I guess that’s one of the many differences between science class and business classes. 

I’m going to try bringing my laptop one more time. I’ll sit nearer to the back and take notes without distracting anyone. I think it’s a complete myth that all the best students sit up front, anyway. As if 20 feet will make the difference between an A and  B.

I was pleasantly surprised in the Bio class that I was very aware of all the topics he brought up for discussion on modern Biology such as  the First Synthetic Genome (The first Organism with no parents) and the Superbug.  Both these stories broke earlier this summer. The Superbug story about antibiotic resistant bacteria was sent to me by a coworker in an email with the subject line “Please fix this.”

My Chem class was all about the syllabus, but I had to take an assessment test on Introductory Chemistry to assess my knowledge level.  Pretty low stress as no permanent points are assigned, but it’s going to be quite apparent to the teacher that I’ve forgotten all the Chemistry I never learned.

I hate earthquakes, but mostly I hate the adrenaline that comes with them. A measly 4.0 just occurred.  20 miles west of Long Beach, and my hands went all prickly. And now LA researchers are saying that The Big One (magnitude ranging from 6.6 to 7.9) happens on average every 144 years. And it’s been 153.  When it finally does happen, my hands are going to   FALL.   OFF .

After three months of calling the University every week asking why my loans haven’t come through yet, my loans FINALLY came through.

I have to take Federal Loan Entrance Counseling before they will disperse the loans to me. It’s an on-line “class” that consists of 18 topics on general student loan information. Topics cover loan types, repayments, interest rates, etc. You know, general loan stuff. Following each topic are a couple multiple choice questions that you are allowed to answer with the textual narration on the same page. So its really, really easy. 

But they made it even easier by a number of degrees. Like the questions were mostly true and false with a sentence copied and pasted from the instruction text and then asked if it was true of false. Big mistake first of all if you’re trying to teach a student with a computer anything. I remember take home tests where I’d also have an on-line copy of the text-book. Me and everyone else with a brain would just go home and Ctrl-F (Find) all the key words from the test questions and locate the answers with barely a scan through the book while I catch up on episodic television. Not that I had to search for most stuff as the questions tended to resemble => “You are obligated to pay back the Unsubsidized Stafford loan principle plus interest. True or False.“

And on top of that, OF the 25 or so true and false questions that I answered, 100% were true.  And 100% of the multiple choice questions were answered “All of the Above.” It took me three topics to figure this out. And thereafter, I read zero more questions much less the Loan Counseling materials.

They went out of their way to make sure anyone could pass this test regardless of their actual understanding of the material. And isn’t that precisely NOT the point of this test. If we are trying to make sure people UNDERSTAND the sometimes overwhelming financial responsibility they are taking on, why not actually test to see that that’s WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED!!!!  Otherwise it’s just bullshit red tape that they can wave in your face in a court room that says “of course, you knew what capitalized interest was, you passed the test!”

The next step in getting my loans is to sign a Master Promissory Note which will cover all the loans I take out while I am a student. This Note is my contract to accept and pay back the monies I receive. I tried to do this today. But they needed my Drivers License number. Which I didn’t have as I had lost it about 5 weeks ago.  I was bummed. Cause this meant I needed to visit the DMV. Which I do NOT have time for as I am a full time employee this week and a totally booked student/employee next week. I resigned myself to having to spend Saturday waiting in line to get the stink eye and a replacement license.

Later that day I, went to my afternoon doctor’s appointment, whom I had also visited about 5 weeks ago and ventured a question to as whether or not they had my drivers license in lost and found . Yes, she said, she DID!  Thank God. Cause I really hate using my passport to get into bars.